My first ramble.

Not too long ago, my husband and I left for our honeymoon.

The destination was carefully chosen due to my acceptance to SCAD.

You see, it had been a dream of mine to attend the school even though I had never actually been to Savannah myself. I figured from all the wonderful things I heard about the school and the 'environment' savannah was so well known for, Id be perfectly happy there.

It turns out I was wrong.

The location is, yes, beautiful. Only in some parts. The parts that we couldnt afford to live. And those beautiful parts were surrounded by low income neighborhoods that scared me to walk around at even during the day. The night scene was so different from how the art district looked during the day/ Rich party kids took over the town.

Immediately after getting to our hotel, I couldnt hold my sadness in much longer. We hadnt even exited our car when I broke down in tears.

My dream, that I made out to be a fairytale in my head... turned out the be a giant disappointment. Not only that- but the fact that I am 24 and married-made it very apparent to me that I have accomplished very little in my life.

I went into a very deep depression.
Which I am still struggling with today.

Its hard to think that I am starting from scratch. Now being married, I have to take into account his life and our financial standing. I am torn between the idea of going to school out of state, where we would have to pay for a very expensive tuition or pursue some schooling at the local community college and use that money toward our life together.

There's one thing that I realized about this depression, which I could call a silver lining...

It makes me physically ill inside to think that I am not living up to the potential God had intended for me. I refuse to live a life of mediocracy. I dont need to be extremely wealthy or have superficial fame. I need to make an honest living while doing what I LOVE to do. I need to make a difference int he world.

But so much fear is holding me back,

This blog is my own form of therapy/
I am not holding back and maybe one day- I can learn to live my life the same way I handle this blog.

Completely trusting, carefree and fearless.