Late night blogging

So, I have to be up in five hours to go school... four if I want to look like a human being in class. But Pinterest, United states of Tara and blogging has kept me awake- yet again!

I got on my blog thinking I was just going to look around for two minutes, until I noticed I had another follower! And it's this wonderful little lady, Jessica.

She's one of those girls who you meet, never really get to hang out with but wish you two became real good friends. (my sad little fat girl with no friends is coming out)

Anyways, its so funny, when I met her she went by her first & middle name which is Jessi Lee! She's married to one of the most wonderful guys EVER who I met in middle school- 6th grade I believe. So, of course a great guy would meet a great girl huh?

She and I have so much in common, not just our names. DIY crafters, artists, guitar (just note that I SUCK and she rocks at it but I still love to play) and so on... so you can probably imagine my glee when she started following my blog- which in turn- inspired this super nerdy post about how cool she is.

Anyways, if you're into awesome things like DIY projects, art and home renovating then go read her blog! ( Im on my ipad I hope that link works )

Friendships Part II

[ WARNING: THIS POST IS GOING TO GET PATHETIC ]

So there was this video post a friend had made that made me feel a little less alone.

I'm too big of a vagina to post a video like she did but I figured blogging is almost as good.

I've had such bad luck with friendships since I was little.

I dont want to say I dont have people out there who aren't my friends,

but I dont really have like a bestfriend.

Someone who is just genuinely there for you- no bullshit or drama.

For a long while now Ive felt like this lack of friendship is all my fault.

I have a low tolerance for bullshit I guess.

I've had a few people in my life who are long gone now, that I could label as a 'best friend'

The first one would be Tessa.

We met in 8th grade and she was the perfect social outcast.

We stayed friends for about 8 years then slowly drifted.

I loved her to death and we did everything together.

I think she was the first person who, showed me their flaws yet I still loved her.

Overtime her bitterness toward the world grew and we drifted apart.

It took a long time for me to stop missing her and also a part of me grew bitter as well.

Another person is Angelina.

We became bestfriends for a short period of time in High School.

She was a friend who I still believe till today, was genuine and cared about me as much as I cared for her. She had done something, that I morally did not agree with and I think this started the end of our friendship. We stay in contact but nothing more than a yearly hello on facebook.

Then there's Heather.

We met at CSN and developed a pretty close relationship.

If it wasnt for her, I wouldnt have met Nick and some of the other friends I have today.

It was my decision to end the friendship-

( for reasons more complicated than I can put into words here)

I could still persue a friendship with her but I dont think it'd be fair 

when my heart isnt fully invested into it.

Lastly, there was my ex- Will.

He's the exboyfriend that I regret dating only because we could still be friends now.

We stayed friends even after a horrible break up.

It was only recently that we decided to end our friendship because his girlfriend wasn't comfortable with me. This was a huge disappointment.

HERE'S the NOW:

I have my husband and he's wonderful.

I would say he's my bestfriend.

But sometimes it gets lonely when we dont share much in common.

I have really strong beliefs about what friendship is.

What it means to be a true friend to someone.

I believe that being a good person in general is an important part of being good friend to others.

I think that how a person chooses to live their life affects their friendships.

As soon as I meet someone who says negative things about someone they consider a friend, I distance myself. If they can fake a smile, hang out with this person who they talk trash about, then what kind of friend are they going to be to me?

Sadly, I dont even have family to turn to.
My family and I don't get along.
It's been a long time since I've felt like I've connected with another person 100%
and that their intentions are kind-hearted.

I'm scared that after getting my feelings hurt, lied to and my trust broken-

I lost the energy to form new friendships.
I dont really go out much, Im not very adventurous or outgoing.
I mostly just stay home, edit pictures, do crafts and keep busy.

Wow, what a sad little post.

Pitty Party Hat anyone?

New Beginnings

I think the gray clouds have parted to let some sunlight in.
I made the decision to stay home and go to school for graphic design.

My dad and I spoke and when I said I didnt think I wanted to study art and just get a quick degree in some other field, he seemed offended. My father is an artist as well and I'm the only one of my siblings who inherited that talent. He didn't want to see me waste it. Which he's right.

Ive taken for granted a talent I was blessed with that I was born with. Its not something you can learn.

I chose graphic design because it has so much freedom. I can still do the fine art aspects that I love, ie. painting and drawing. Then on top of those things add the digital element which open doors to even more possibilities.

I am so excited for this new chapter in my life, no matter how late it came.
Thanks to my friends at AI, Katy Beth & Ryan. They are helping so much move this all along quickly for me.

And most importantly, to my husband. Who gave me the biggest hug & kiss, telling me how proud he is of me to be finally reaching for my goals. ( Not even shedding a single drop of sweat when the price of tuition came up)

( A funny picture my friend Vanessa took of me getting overly excited about the horses during my visit at AI )