The good, the bad & the ugly

The good:
We got approved for the condo today! So that means we'll be all cozy in our own place in less than a month! Also, I had a free day of doing nothing (this is also listed in the bad) I didn't have class today or work- I actually slept till 11 and all day watched shows like Boy Meets World, Big Bang Theory and got caught up on many shows I watch on Hulu.

The Bad:
Well, like I stated, I did nothing today. Not even homework. But the night is semi-young... lets say the night is in it's mid 30s. I'll do some homework and hopefully lots of cleaning.
Another bad- I'm getting sick of the lectures coming from my family about buying a house. I agree with them that its a better investment to purchase a home and that the mortgage payments are cheaper than renting. What they can't seem to get through their minds is that I already had this talk with Nick and he doesn't want to go through with it- no matter all the pros behind it. I dont get how they can still lecture me when I already agree with them!

The ugly:
Our bedroom. Its a disaster! Its very difficult to keep a small room clean when you cram all the things both of us own into it. Also, neither of us like to hang up clothes. Its a habit we need to kick when we get our own place. I am determined to keep a very clean and neat home!

Another ugly, our finances. We're not in a horrible situation BUT getting our own place is going to change our lifestyle dramatically. We dont go out and purchase extravagant things, I dont even remember the last time I got to go shopping- but we do go out alot to eat. Nick and I frequent at a few restaurants. That is going to have to be cut out of our budget.

Im also very anal when it comes to planning. I make lists, keep a planner journal, etc. Nick on the other hand is not this way. He's the 'take it easy until its time to panic at the last minute' person. This poses a problem in our relationship. So now that he wants to talk about our finances because he's worried we can't afford this place- Im a little peaved. He wants to talk about this NOW that we already put in the application fee.



Hmmm- I think I may have deeper issues than the intended post. *awkward*

I'm feeling honest.

This is going to be a theraputic post. So be warned, it's bipolar.

I've come to terms with the fact that I have a lot of anger inside. An anger that's waiting for just the right face to take it out on. Its probably a good thing that I stay away from people who mistreat me or give me a negative feeling, or they may have to tack on 'anger management problems' on top of the long list I'm sure has already started about me...

[ It's quite hillarious, that a girl like me- who hardly leaves the house, can count on one hand the number of friends she has, none of which are close friends- who finds social situations tiring- can cause so much gossip to stream out of selfriteous mouths into hungry ears ]


Surprisingly, this post is coming from a peaceful place. I've been doing well, keeping busy, back in school and seeing clearly ahead of me. For a while, the road called life has been foggy and the drive has been dangerous... as of late, the skies have cleared.

I know what I want out of life and I know that there are certain things I may not get... Ive come to terms with this.

I've also become more aware of how lucky I am, with a husband like him by my side.
There are times where I feel like we don't belong together, we don't have enough in common- yes I'll admit to these thoughts...

But there's no man out there with enough patience to love me the way he does.

He understands me. The real me. I've never been so brutally honest with anyone in my life.
He is the patience I lack, the innocence that I've lost and the only person I could ever apologize to full heartedly.

For the first time, I'm a whole person in a relationship with another person. We are not one half of a person, we do not make a whole. We are two people, with two hearts and two minds who happen to love eachother.

I don't feel the need to like the same things as him or participate in all the things that he does. I dont find the need to change myself or become less of me just to fit into his life, the way other people seem to when they get into a relationship. Instead, I embrace the things he does and he inturn, respects the things that I do. We support eachother.


That's all I need.


- Its become apparent to me that I have alot of forgiving to do. To people who probably feel as if they have no reason to be forgiven. Sometimes I think that writing letters that will never be sent would help but its no different than on paper or in my head.


So here is a promise to myself. The novel I've been trying to write (years in my mind/months on my computer) it will get finished. Those people will be in it and their sins, written down and immortalized. That will be my peace.